What Would I DO?!

 "And it would be super-fantastic if some of you teens and 20-somethings asked yourself, Say, if I KNEW that I wasn't getting married until I was 39+, what interesting things could I do with my life right now?"  - Auntie Seraphic

This hit me so hard that I decided to start a list. It's like a bucket list...and I'm going to come up with some epic name for this "interesting-things-to-do-before-I-get-married-at-39+" list.

Here's to a bright future with a list that will last me the next two decades!*

1. knit a blanket (A teeny one for my teeny nephew!)
2. re-learn piano
3. learn guitar
4. finish Lord of the Rings 1...and proceed to watch the whole trilogy
5. go backpacking...for real (20 days living out of a back pack in Portugal, Spain, and France...to read more about it, head over here)
6. travel to Peoria, IL and visit the Archbishop Fulton Sheen Museum(been there, done that! Summer 2013)
7. deep-sea diving
8. mission trip
9. make something awesome out of duct-tape 
10. write a song
11. learn how to change oil in a car
12. road trip
13. eat a deep-fried Oreo
14. eat a brat at the World's Largest Brat Fest
15. try a S'mores blizzard from Dairy Queen (as per request of my dear friend C...)
16. Read a gardening book 
17. Take another on the beautiful foreign-feeling bike ride outside my town
18. 
    

*Summer 2016 Update: I'm slowly running out of things to do on my things to do list! 

Motivation, Where Have You Gone?!

We're in the middle of October, and I've failed yet again to keep up with this electronic journal of mine.
...Motivation to keep up a blog---> Gone.
I was so determined to spend most of today (the first day of Fall Break) working on my Vatican II Document Research Project.
...Motivation to do work---> Gone.

I'm sure I could go on about all the other things I've lost motivation for, but that's just, unfortunately, sad.

Ironically, now that I typed about my failure to blog, I'm feeling a little more motivated to keep it up...interesting...

I must finish my outline for my research project.
-Until next time!

Another Monday Flashing Before My Eyes...

I'm amazed at the fact that I had such a busy day that it felt like it was over in a blink of an eye! And all at the same time, I'm drained like a noodle-strainer.
...
Why do we knowingly do harmful things to ourselves? I'm at the beginning stages of a cough-cold and I'm have the symptoms of lack-of-sleep-idis...
But do you think I am actually following through with my plan to go straight to bed after night prayer?
Do you think I will shut my window tonight so as to block the cool breeze flowing through the crack?
Do you think I would stop doing useless things on the computer-simultaneously ruining my eyes and losing sleep time?
Wouldn't it be smart to AVOID all these things that are likely to make me more sick?

Or here's another situation: I'm in the awkward position of possibly having to tutor a socially-awkward older ex-friend. I tried to help him out last year by explaining to him in a frankly-confrontational way the reasons he was awkward. I tried to suggest things like hanging out with more guys opposed to girls, etc...I thought everything had turned out all right to find out, during the last week of school, that he didn't listen to a word I said. I told him to stop texting me (he was living vicariously through text messages, and I hate deep conversations through texts!).The last thing he texted me: "Ok, Liz, I'm deleting everyone's numbers. I hope your happy."
Honestly, I was, because I did as much as I could.
Long story short, all tutees are required to set up the first meeting, so it's in his (and the Good Lord's) hands...
I'm kinda stressing out.

So, of course, ever since I found out, God has been trying to send me little messages of hope/peace. Such as this clever quote a friend posted on facebook:

And at Mass (which was immediately following the announcement of being a tutor to my ex-friend), Fr.VocationsDirector gave a beautiful homily about St. Therese and the beauty of depending on God with a child-like dependence-the beauty of giving the Lord our burdens so we are free to love Him more...of course to look the Corpus after hearing those words...couldn't have been more perfect!

God is poking my heart with a little stick...silently reminding me that I need Him more than anything.





MORE. THAN. ANYTHING.



I always forget that I can't do it alone...

Lord, take this time to allow me to depend on You, and You alone.





Happy Vigil of the Feast of St. Therese of Lisieux!

It's too Late to Apologize...

I think it would be silly to promise that all of my posts will be named after a song...but it's so tempting to say it!
Anyway, it's too late to apologize...for many reasons.
a) It's been, what, two weeks since my last post? Almost three?
b) It's literally 1:20 a.m. Unfortunately, I went to bed at 3:00 a.m. Friday AND Saturday night, so my body is rebelling against my mind, saying: "No! You really aren't tired, I promise! This will be a piece of cake!!"
...Really? It's a SUNDAY NIGHT. I need sleep.
I've been really trying to get a system down for posting. I'm thinking of forcing me to make a daily post like a friend does/did (shh! She doesn't know I follow her blog sometimes!). I guess her blog used to be an every day thing, called Lux Mundi, where she would talk about her light of the day. Now she changed even the title to Almost Daily.
So it's probably not as easy as I'm assuming it to be.
But still. I think this could be good for me.
...
Jesus meek and humble of heart, make my heart like unto Thine...

Because...Life is Beautiful!

Ok, so I was trying to think of a title for this continuum and The Afters sang to me "Life is beautiful!" I just bought the song on iTunes, along with a few others that I loved from The October Baby soundtrack. After Compline, a few of us watched the movie...what a beautiful witness to LIFE! Basically, if you haven't seen it...please do!
Anyway, there were a few additional noteworthy aspects of my second/third weeks of good ol' school. For example, I had my first ever night class this past Monday. I was expecting a dreadful experience (because I also had my first ever 2-hour Biology Lab in the afternoon)...it turned out to be all right! Dr. MG was very hospitable when he asked if we would like him to make some coffee :) Plus, the course is about the Second Vatican Council, so I'm pretty much interested in anything we're learning about.
Thursday consisted of my change of major/minor and an amazing talk by the vocation director of the diocese...
In the morning, I met with the Education advisor and filled out the paper work to drop my Catholic Studies Major to a Minor and add Early Childhood Education to my Elementary Education Major. Alas, I am currently a double-major in Elementary Ed and Early Childhood Ed with a minor in Catholic Studies.
I was going to summarize Fr. Vocation Director's amazing talk...but then I remembered how great I am at butchering the words of the wise. You'll just have to take my word for it!
Last night, we had a "Barefoot and Blue Jeans Moonlight [swing]Dance" on the lawn on campus. I had a great time due to the fact that I danced with a guy who makes my heart pitter-patter. And if it weren't so late, I'd so go into details. For another time, I suppose ;)
On that happy note, I leave you with these tidbits of updates from my first few weeks. I promise you can expect a more thoughtful post within this next week.
Farewell!

A Little bit of Weeks TWO&THREE

My Dear Friends,
As you can imagine, the first weeks of school have been, at times, overwhelming. And I will have to spare you the elaborate details due to lack of recollection.
Every day I'm learning (some days more than others...) And here is a little bit I've learned about Spiritual Direction:
I came to Fr. Bernard with the predicament of a life-time. Basically, I asked him to spiritually direct me on the subject of spiritual direction. After some thought and prayer, I was beginning to wonder if I depending too much on spiritual direction. Whenever I would be in a spiritual rut, my first thought was: "I need to talk to Father about that!" I thought this was a problem because it's like having problems with a coworker and talking to somebody else about it instead of going directly to the source...I have the desire to talk to a spiritual director about something and forget about talking to the Lord.
At first, Father didn't really know what to say. As we discussed it further, he explained spiritual direction perfectly: When we have small challenges, we know what our director would say, and we are to "just do it." It's when we are in need of something deeper that we come to seek direction. Of course, I can never do Father Bernard justice...but his practical words gave me peace in knowing that, when the time comes, I do know what to do. :)
This past Sunday, the 8th, was one of the best days I've had at the University of Real World. My best friend and I threw a "holy Birthday party" for Mother Mary, since it was the Feast of Her Birth. We decorated my dorm room and made a shrine for Our Lady...because the shrine was my favorite:

You see, Z has a special love for Mother Theresa, and I am in love with Fulton Sheen (an amazing post awaiting arrival...). We both love Mary and took this opportunity to celebrate our favorite saints.It was a beautiful day and some girls on my hall even joined us in singing "Happy Birthday" and eating cupcakes. Simply amazing.

I'll end here, but I'm hoping to catch up again this weekend...I have yet to share about my first night class, Fr. VocationDirector's powerful talk, my major/minor changes, my emotional roller-coaster, Fr. Mike Schmitz's podcasts and an informational about my main man, Fulton Sheen. I hope that list isn't too ambitious...

A Little Bit of Syria

It's a beautiful Saturday morning here in North Dakota. I woke up early and was able to witness the most beautiful rainfall come and go.

In the midst of it all, I can't help but thinking about Syria and how much they need Our Lord. Yesterday, Monsignor (our principal) gave a beautiful homily about the reason for fasting. "We fast because it is a symbol for our deep hunger for the Lord." He told us to fast and pray for Syria because they are in such need of Our Lord, the Lord of Peace. Of course, I can't duplicate the power of his words...but I absolutely love his contemplative preaching style: He told my peers and I that Jesus is so intimately a part of humanity. He quoted the beautiful poem, No Man is an Island and taught us that we are all "involved in mankind" and every death is the death of a part of me. 

I never was much interested in political involvement, so to make up for what I lack, I am begging the Lord to be present with the Syrian people. I asked myself (and the Lord, I suppose...sometimes, when we're talking to ourselves, we're really talking to Him) what my life would be like if I had been born in Syria...

I am praying and fasting for Syria today, as the Holy Father has asked. Praying and fasting for peace.

-Coming Soon: I made it through week two!!

Jeremiah 29:11

For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. - Jm 29:11 RSV

I felt God smiling down on me tonight when I went into the Chapel to pray Compline.* I thought I was doomed to be alone all day today. The reason behind this was that my best friend Z went camping with two others and left me to fend for myself. Anyway, I had an great night! I had dinner with a group of girls and then watched Les Mis (for the first time! Only, I was sitting next to the fan and couldn't understand a thing throughout the whole movie...) with a group of people, most from my hall. And after that, another great girl invited me to watch Sound of Music (also my first time!! Loved it!). So when I went into the Chapel, all I could do was smile and thank the Lord. He knew exactly what He was doing, and I pray that He will remind me of this moment when I lose trust in His Plan for me. I needed to be alone this afternoon to get a little grip on myself...and it was good Me Time, which we all need every once and a while.

On that note, adios!

*A link for those who are not familiar with the Liturgy of the Hours ;)

Week ONE

I made it through the first week of school. It wasn't a full week, but it sure felt like it!

The noteworthy?

Our daily Mass attendance is growing fast! My favorite is hearing so many voices sing praise to God during the Sanctus...definitely a beautiful experience! Personally, I believe that many people come to Mass because it's at a possible/practical time: 4:30 pm. My friend disagrees with me (she doesn't like the time at all) but if you think about it, the majority of my peers don't have class at 4:30...so, naturally...

Thursday night, St. Monica Hall had a hall meeting. We talked about the 4 pillars of our floor: Prayer, Study, Community, and Service. Our hall Rector (in the middle of Resident Director and Resident Assistant) covered close to everything that we would need to know about living on this floor. She addressed the question everyone had: "Is this a discernment floor?" She stated that, although we are women of discernment (and always should be), this is not a floor for discernment directed towards Religious Life. She advised us to pray for each other, to help each other grow, and to be there to support each other. Overall, I was very happy with how the meeting turned out. On the flip side, I discovered my lack of zeal to embrace the life of community. This is really hard for me to accept because last semester, I was so pro-community that it was ridiculous! I understand now, in hindsight, that I had high expectations of myself, the floor, and the university. So maybe this is my "punishment"...which I can say with a smile because I know all too well of God's sense of humor! Anyway, to elaborate on my social laziness: After our hall meeting, a few girls gathered and talked among themselves and I went straight to my room to do homework. Today, a beautiful Sunday, I have spent the majority of the day with myself. I'm naturally socially-awkward and shy, so I'm guessing the whole process, like everything else in life, will just take time.

It really bites to be impatient. This reminds me how much I want to start my night class! This first week of school started on Tuesday, which means I didn't have to start classes with my 6-9:30 pm night class. I am thankful for that, because I probably would have suffered death by overwhelm. But week number two will also start on Tuesday, thanks to Labor Day (…I mean…Yay! Labor Day!!...), so I have to miss out on my Catholic Studies course, Documents of Vatican II yet again. I hereby present: Opportune moment to grow in patience # 2. I missed out on that due to the fact that I felt the need to express my disappointment to multiple people this week.

Oh, the little things.

I’m trying to rack my brain for anything else that might be noteworthy from this week, but I am very distracted by the beautiful gift of my surroundings:

\Sometimes I think that the view here at University of Real World is the only thing keeping me from running off to University of Dream World...and then I remember that UDW would cost more than I could make in my lifetime...Oh, yeah, and that URW is part of The Plan and to run off would be detrimental to my life.

Anyway, what this whole week boils down to is: Every part of me is going through some kind of transition. I’m keeping a firm grasp on Christ’s Hand.

Oh, Lord, here we go! Lead the way…

"Wrap Up That Packing, Girl!"

Friday morning and I still have tubs waiting to be filled. At the beginning of the week, my parents were telling me that I had to set an immediate goal if I wanted to get my packing done "by the end of the day." Of course, their prophesy about me procrastinating until the last minute came true. Move-in is on Monday, so I still have a little time...But I really want to be done packing this morning.
Something is telling me that I should turn off my computer...so I told that little voice in my head: "Be quite! I'm trying to write a post here, and don't you see that extra tab up there? I have to get my daily blog-reading in!"
Ha.
...
And of course, just as I finished typing, Jimmy Needham sang to me:
"If I ever needed grace, it's now...You are strong when I am weak somehow..."
Thanks, God. I get the point.

So what my soul is trying to tell me: "Liz. Remember how you wanted to practice death to self? Sacrifice? Well, here's your chance! You can read the blog later. You know it's really not that hard to click the little 'X'. You're almost done packing... Let's go, GET MOVING!"

That could have been a little nudge from my Guardian Angel, too. He's in cahoots with my soul, you know.
:) It's great being Catholic for multiple reasons-one, I can say things like that.

I could probably go on and on about something else, but I really should go!

Oh My Monday (and a Hairy Story)

It seems that this morning is about procrastination and [worldy] contemplation.

Procrastination: I lack a severe amount of motivation to finish packing for college. So I'm spending my time on facebook and random blogs...But mostly facebook.

Contemplation: Do I really need a haircut/trim? I'm trying to rock the pixie cut, and it's hard to know when is the right time to get it re-maintained.

Which brings me to my hairy story...

When I came home from the convent, my hair was super short. It was a real blow to my self-esteem because I had long hair for years.

 From:  To:

In short (no pun intended), my drastic appearance (among other things) caused my self-confidence to crumble. I have the slightest feeling that, in hindsight, I will see God's hand in all of this. He brought me closer to Himself by showing me that His Love never fails. For example, I felt that everyone was judging me by my hair and I just wanted them to know that I didn't choose to look like this (because the sisters wear the habit, my head was covered by a veil, so my long hair was unnecessary). Of course, it was unfathomable that I would want to tell the world that I just came home from the convent, so there was only one place I knew I could be truly loved and understood. That place was in front of the Tabernacle. 

There was only one problem...God did not miraculously add extensions to my head, so I still had to try to make it look decent. At first, I only used mousse because there wasn't much else I could do. Eventually, my new friends convinced me to buy hair accessories, so I spruced it up with little flowers, bows, clips, etc.

Mousse'd Up

Goofy, but accessorizing!

And when my hair finally grew long enough to get a stylist, I was directed to use a certain taffy to give the top of my head a little volume, which is great! I was never big into hair products, but I'm allowing myself to splurge a little due to the circumstances. 

Anyway, life went on, and when I came home from college for summer break, I decided to do some investigating on the hair atop my head.

A few of my discoveries included:

• It has a name! I found a post called, The Pixie Cut Series that changed my life, in a subtle way. She has great advice, such as: "Avoid The Mullet"...

•  And scarves! I found a great video by a woman who shared her wisdom about pixie cuts and scarves. After watching this, I went on a hunt into the thrift stores in town for the cutest head wraps/scarves I could find. BTW, "thrifting" has become one of my most favorite hobbies...who doesn't love saving money?!

These are my two favorite scarves :)

• ...Curlers? I like the curly-bang look:
  
  
   and I saw this example online, but because my hair is thick and straight, I'm not sure if the foam curlers I bought will do me any good.

There was a lot of helpful information on the web, and I'm thankful that I had the determination to find it. In the end, I decided to embrace the situation God placed me in. I suppose I could have given up and drowned in my misery, allowing my hair to fall where it may...but it feels beautiful using what God has given me to change my perspective.

If anyone is struggling with their appearance as I am, know that there is a way to break free from the struggle and still feel beautiful. Instead of trying to "fix it," work with what you've got!

Lord, help me to accept whatever cross you may place upon my shoulders, and help me to carry the burden...for I cannot do it alone.

Life in a Nut Shell

I was born and raised in a typical, but loving, family. Being the middle of three kids was hard, but only because I always wanted everything to be equal and fair. My wise parents constantly had the phrases: "Life's not fair!" and "The [County] fair's in August." in their back pockets. I went to a public school from Kindergarten until Sophomore year of high school. I had started to grow in my faith when my mom began attending Daily Mass. I wanted to grab ahold of whatever seemed to be making her a better woman. I will be forever grateful that God took my great uncle into His arms that 8th grade year, because I later found out that my mom was offering Mass every day for the repose of Uncle Jerome's soul. 

When sophomore year rolled around, I was yearning for a better faith environment while, at the same time, my parents were planning to transfer my sister and I to the Catholic school in town.  Junior and Senior year came and went, but in the middle of it all, I had discerned that God was calling me to be set apart from the world...I was blessed to hear His call to enter religious life. I met with a great priest during my senior year and went on a Discernment Retreat with a beautiful and Orthodox community of Sisters striving for holiness. 

I was living the religious life for over a year when God had told my heart that it was not the right time for me. I was in the second stage of discernment with the Sisters when I felt that I was not ready to live the Life and that I needed to return home and attend college. 

I came home last November, lived at home for a month, and started school at the University of Real World in Somewhere, North Dakota. The first semester was, honestly, the hardest 4 months of my life. Transitioning back into the world was a lot harder than I anticipated. In retrospect, I'm thankful for the opportunities that God allowed for me to grow in many ways. I learned a lot, and I'm going to take it all with me as I return again in a few short weeks.

Which leaves me with this post...Simply put, I'm Striving for Holiness by giving my life to Him, the One Who died for me. 

And that's:

God love all of those who join me as I post about my journey through life!

Remembering Reality

I was just about to title this post as "Wish for a Family." But before I started typing thoughts into words, I heard Auntie Seraphic's words in my ear...I already have a family (Auntie S knows so well the typical desires of the [Catholic] Single heart). I have a wonderful mother, a great father, a big brother, and a little sister. I have an abundance of beautiful and influential people in my life. They aren't perfect, I'm not perfect, and whatever family God may bless me with down the road will not be perfect.

I had originally intended to say something holy&pious like: There certainly are days when I am leaning toward one vocation or another, but in all reality, I think I'm just longing for a family I can claim...as God-given? As my own??

But even as I type this, it is losing it's meaning and direction. 

Another favorite blog of mine recently posted about St. Thomas the Apostle and his unbelief. The author went on to describe some questions that arise when reflecting on Thomas and his doubts. What resonated with me was:

Do I really believe that He knows my future and that it's a good one? If I did, I wouldn't feel so much confusion about where I should be... I would live now.

 ...

 Do I really believe that His Will is perfect and mine is very, very imperfect? That He knows better? If I did, I would truly be not afraid.

My original zeal for this post was imperfect because I was going to pour out desires for the future.
I am constantly struggling to accept God's will for me at the present. I'm a college student and I have come to discern that He wills for me to finish my degree. I need to constantly remind myself that the exciting part of striving for holiness while in college is that there are SO many ways He will surprise me with abundant opportunities!
Lord, help me to be open to your will every day of the rest of my life.

Hope to be a Light of Hope on St. Monica Hall

With the words: "I'm writing to ask if you could send out an email introducing all Monica Hall* members to each other? I think this would be a great way to break the ice and make a start at forming foundation for community!"... I'm hoping to help create a better community striving for "faith, character, and holiness."**
Currently, I'm not a fan of making step-by-step goals to achieving something as abstract as the above. So I would like to state, for my own records***, that I am going to approach my placement on this floor as something God-given. Thus, I am aware that Fr. Bernard**** would suggest that I come to school knowing that there are priorities, such as:

1. Spiritual Life (prayer, Mass, etc.)
2. School Work
3. St. Monica Hall
4. Club/Organization Commitments
5. Anything that falls after that.

And so, as long as I am aware of the balance that needs to be found within all of these priorities, and with God's grace, I should be able to discern what God is offering to me through these opportunities of service.


* St. Monica Hall is the name of the ________ Women's Floor I will be living on this year. "________" because I am currently confused as to whether or not it is a Catholic, Christian, or "growing-in-faith-character-and-holiness" floor.

** Following the previous statement, I am slightly in love with a particular Catholic Women's Floor at an expensive college I am currently attending in my dream world. Because Monica Hall doesn't live up to University of Dream World's Solidly-Catholic Women's Floor, I have found the floor to be lacking. On the other hand, I am still trying to figure out if the problem can be found within my head. 

*** 'For my own records,' simply because I think the purpose of this blog is to hold myself accountable to the perceived public.

**** Fr. Bernard is the spiritually intense and equally amazing chaplain at the University of Real World.



[side-note: I would only create extravagant fake names for people/places/things-with-real-names if I thought they were important enough to put into a blog on the world wide web]

Simple Friday Morning

Thus a new beginning to Striving for Holiness.
It's my recuperating morning after Young Women's Discipleship Camp. Recuperating-ly refreshing because I was a small-group leader and I let myself be spiritually, mentally, and physically drained.
More on that later, I think.
At the moment, I'm drinking my coffee and reading a recently favorite blog -while at the same time staring at my cluttered dwelling place in dire need of organization.
I think I need to get back into a routine. Pronto.