Often when I'm examining my faults, I will let the train of thought take me to the town called "Maybe That's Why I was Called to Leave the Convent." And before I know it, I'm recalling instances like that one worldly conversation I had with a sister; or the feeling of insecurity when trying to do the 'right thing'; or the way I overreacted when the pot of soup boiled over; or my attachment to always winning at a game of cards...need I go on? Well, most of the time these thougths lead me to further examination, which leads to either a vague feeling of enlightenment or the feeling of disappointment...in myself and in God.
Except for last night. I was lying in bed and started to think about how it seemed like I wasn't able to embrace the present circumstances of my life. Again, that train took off: "That's it!! I don't think I embraced 'The Life' as 'My Life'..."
And all of a sudden, it's like the Holy Spirit jumped in front of this train and simply said: WHAT IF I did everything I was supposed to do (according to the state of life I was in), and it was God's plan all along?! WHAT IF I didn't do anything wrong but it was all right in the sight of God?
It certainly gave me peace as the "train" came to a screeching halt and I remembered that "He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world (Eph 1:4)." Which means that He had each and every one of us in mind before He even created the world - so He must know what He's doing and loves us according to His plan!
WHAT IF I could stop trying to make excuses for "Why I was Called to Leave the Convent"?
---I think it would be a lot easier to see my life as more of a purpose and less of an accident.---
Lord, grant me the grace to see myself and my life as You see it.